The Beauty of Alzheimer's
This Woven One's Prayer
O LORD, You have searched me, and You know me. You know every fiber of my being, for You are the One Who wove me in my mother's womb. You know everything I have done, everything I have said, and everything I have thought. You know everything about me.
You know that I am utterly lost without You. And I know that too. Thank You for bringing me to the end of myself in ways sufficient to bring me to this realization. And thank You for not testing me beyond what I can bear.
O LORD, You know my hopes and my fears. You know the fear I have had of losing my mind to Alzheimer's, like my mother before me, and her mother before her; the fear of my descent into the confusion and the unknown that accompanies the mental and physical incapacitations that develop over time.
Thank You, LORD, for the hope that You give me. I trust that You will never leave me nor forsake me. I rejoice, LORD, and give You thanks for all the glorious ways unknown to me by which You will sanctify me in the midst of whatever lies ahead. I believe You began a good work in me and I trust You will bring it to completion. You make everything beautiful in its time.
You and You alone are My refuge and my portion. Please take my thoughts captive to the obedience of You, LORD Jesus. May the posture of my heart always be to submit to You in everything, and may my tongue always confess You as my One and only True LORD. May You cause my mind to always dwell on thoughts of You and Your Holiness, Your Goodness, Your Beauty, and Your Truth. May the last words on my tongue be “Thy will be done” and may my last thoughts be of You.
O LORD, I see so much potential beauty along this unknown path that You have placed in front of me. If Alzheimer's is part of my journey of sanctification, then please wipe my mind clean of everything that does not exalt and glorify You. May You destroy the parts of my brain where the imprints reside of all that is wicked and ugly and false that I have set my will, my mind, my eyes, my ears, and my desires on. May You destroy any toxic ways of thinking that cause darkness and bitterness to persist for sins committed and wounds suffered whether real or imagined.
O LORD, ruin those parts of my mind where the intent is strong to engage my tongue in speech towards or among others that is not edifying and make me mute in response to urges to give voice to any thoughts that do not communicate love and praise for You and for all those whom You love. May You loosen my tongue in endless Hallelujahs to You for Who You are and what You have done.
O LORD, if Alzheimer's is not part of my journey of sanctification, nevertheless, I still plead that You vanquish my fallen mind, taking my every thought captive to the obedience of You, and cause my thoughts to dwell only on whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.
O LORD, this is my will, yet not my will, but Thine be done.
May You alone be exalted!